Throughout my life and in all the blog posts I’ve ever written I’ve always been very heavy on the importance of introspective thought, analyzing myself and learning lessons from the knowledge I have within. I’ve found comfort in solidarity with my thoughts because I figured at the end of the day the only one who had to deal with my decisions was me.
Unfortunately, throughout this journey I feel I’ve slightly neglected the importance of peer review and the honest opinions of those that I love. Criticism is tough to hear, but totally necessary to personal growth and self-improvement. I’ve always been defensive about what people say to me, which I’m sure is no shock to anybody who really knows who I am. I constantly take a position of defense under the notion that I’m being attacked. I’ve dismissed the opinions of others in certain situations by convincing myself it didn’t matter what somebody had to say about me so long as I was happy with my own decisions.
Though I agree that living your life to please others is severely wrong, I’ve failed to properly acknowledge the undeniable importance of criticism, peer analysis and honesty. I’ve failed to realize that it wasn’t easy for my friends and family to tell me the honest truth, knowing I would react this way. I feel that in certain situations I’ve made others less likely to tell me what they really think because they fear I’ll immediately take on the defensive.
It’s tough for me to write about this, especially since I’m basically proclaiming my own miscalculation and error in judgment. However, this is a liberating process. It would be one thing if I realized this but did nothing about it. It’s a whole other experience to broadcast my imperfections to anybody that can spell my name and has heard of Google. (This website has been the #1 result for a “Brett Napoli” Google Search for the past 8 years)
I’ve always been very open with my thoughts and feelings and felt that I’ve never had anything to hide. I’ve known there will always be haters, there will always be people talking shit and there will always be people making fun of one another. For this reason, I put myself out there and expect to be ridiculed. I understand that its much easier to insult somebody that opens up and presents the opportunity to be analyzed in a public forum. Yet, I would rather be open, free and happy than try to hide from every insult. I would rather plaster my true opinions up for the world to see so I can convince myself this is something I can not hide from.
Just like you, I’m not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. When people read this, they could believe that I had this motive or that. They could laugh at how foolish I am to write about my faults. Others will quietly acknowledge my honesty and realize how difficult it is for somebody to be so open with their own shortcomings.
For this reason, I make this 3am post not out of haste, but as a recognition that what I truly feel needs to be documented. When I wake up tomorrow, I won’t read this and wish I never wrote it. I won’t quietly delete it from my website and hope nobody had a chance to see it. I will be honest with myself, acknowledge where I’ve been wrong and use this moment of clarity as an indication of growth. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life and I encourage all of you to feel the same way.
To those that have been honest with me, shared their love and experiences with me I am forever indebted. Love is omnipotent. Friendship lasts a lifetime. Family is forever. To those I’ve shared the journey with, I love you. To those I’m yet to find, I’m excited to meet you. I’m not too sure what is next, all I really know is it will work out for the best.